Child Tales

Here's some stort stories about children's views. Enjoy!



A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong.
"All right children, let's take another example," she said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his billfold with all his money, what would I be?"
Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile, he blurts out, "You'd be his wife!"




Happiness Is In Your Outlook
A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom & gloom pessimist.
Just to see what would happen, on Christmas their father gave the pessimist the most expensive, fanciest toy he could find. For the optimist he gift-wrapped a box of horse manure.
The next morning the father came downstairs and found the pessimist sitting in front of his opened present crying bitterly.
"Why are you crying?" the father asked.
"Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toy will eventually get broken." answered the pessimist twin.
Seeing the optimist, who was dancing for joy in front of the crate of manure, he asked, "What are you so happy about?"
To which the optimist twin replied, "There's got to be a pony around here somewhere!"





A 4-year-old boy was asked to give the meal blessing before Christmas dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food. He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip.
Then he paused, and everyone waited. After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"

The Bible bill?

It gets very iteresting when Congress start discussing the Bible. It's sad, too, that those who claim to be Christians don't more advicitly support the Bible because they want to stay in congress. Here is an article I found on-line talking about just this, though in a secular view.

Victoria McGrane Victoria Mcgrane – Fri May 22, 5:40 am ET
When the clock strikes midnight on Dec. 31, 2009, Rep. Paul Broun (R-Ga.) hopes you’ll be ringing in “the Year of the Bible.”
It’s probably just wishful thinking.
Broun’s simple congressional resolution aimed at honoring the Good Book has produced a push-back of biblical proportion in the blogosphere, with critics dismissing it as either unconstitutional or a waste of time. Jews in Congress and atheist activists are dismissing the resolution, while none of the many Democrats in Congress who are Christian have bothered to sign on as co-sponsors.
According to GovTrak.us, the resolution is among the most-blogged-about pieces of legislation, with most posts less than complimentary in nature.
“Does that mean 2009 is not the year of the Bible?” mocked Rep. Barney Frank ­(D-Mass.), who is Jewish. “What is 2012 the year of? The Quran?”
“That’s an endorsement of religion by the federal government, and we shouldn’t be doing that,” said Rep. Jerrold Nadler (D-N.Y.), even though he has introduced his own legislation dealing with religion.
“Republican lawmakers with apparently too much time on their hands and no solutions to offer the country are pushing a resolution that will not address the nation’s problems or advance prosperity or even untangle their previous governing mistakes,” blogged the Progressive Puppy.
Broun rejects the critiques leveled at this effort.
“This doesn’t have anything to do with Christianity,” he said in an interview with POLITICO. Rather, he says, it seeks to recognize that the Bible played an integral role in the building of the United States, including providing the basis for our freedom of religion that allows Muslims, Hindus and even atheists to vocalize their own beliefs.
And even as Nadler criticized Broun, he has done his own share of mixing religion and legislation.
Last year, he introduced a bill that would overturn a federal appeals court ruling — an “idiot” decision, he says — that a condominium board in Chicago had the right to ban Jews from installing mezuzahs, which consist of a piece of parchment inscribed with a specific religious text put inside a case and hung on a door frame.
Condo boards shouldn’t be able to interfere in an individual’s right to practice his or her religion, Nadler said.
But he himself declined to install a mezuzah on his congressional office door when asked by a rabbi, even though he does so at home.
“That’s my religious symbol, and the office does not belong to me; it belongs to the people of the congressional district, and no one should feel uncomfortable walking into the office if it’s not their religion,” Nadler said, describing his feelings on religion and Congress.
“Same thing with the Bible. ... It’s not everybody’s religion. And the federal government should not be imposing religious viewpoints.”
Atheists, who might feel themselves a particular target with the declaration of a biblical year, aren’t even worried about Broun’s effort.
“Right now, we’re seeing atheism on such a rise,” said David Silverman, vice president and national spokesman of American Atheists, a group dedicated to fighting for the civil rights of atheists.
“We are seeing Christianity on such a dramatic decline that we’re not particularly worried about it. We’re thinking that this kind of old-style George W. Bush Republicanism is about to go away,” Silverman said, referring to the latest Pew Forum survey of American religious life, which showed nonreligious Americans as the fastest-growing group.
And it may be the best-selling book of all time, as Broun’s resolution points out, but the Bible isn’t such a popular legislative topic.
A search of Thomas, the online congressional database, for “Bible” yields just one other bill: a resolution to have the “Lincoln-Obama Bible” on permanent display in the Capitol Visitor Center.
The resolution specifically asks the president “to issue a proclamation calling upon citizens of all faiths to rediscover and apply the priceless, timeless message of the Holy Scripture which has profoundly influenced and shaped the United States and its great democratic form of government.”
As for the economy, health care, global warming and all the other issues on Congress’ plate?
“While we must focus on fiscal policies that provide relief to families during these tough economic times, an endeavor I have been working tirelessly towards in this Congress, we must also not forget to protect and celebrate our fundamental freedoms that the Bible has influenced,” Broun said.
Broun has gathered 15 co-sponsors, all Republicans, but says he’s looking for more and hopes Democrats will sign on, as well.
“This is not a partisan issue,” he said. “I want it to be bipartisan.”
Whether he’s successful or not — the same measure didn’t go anywhere last year — at least Broun and his fellow supporters can take heart in one fact: They already had a “year of the Bible.”
Ronald Reagan designated 1983 as one, with Congress’ blessing.

10 Reasons Not to Wash

In one church, the pastor, apparently fed up with all the excuses given over the years as to why people don't go to church, applied the same excuses in a different context to show how silly they were. Church-goers the following Sunday got a bulletin that included "Ten Reasons Why I Never Wash."

1.I was forced to as a child.

2.People who wash are hypocrites -- they think they are cleaner than everybody else.

3.There are so many different kinds of soap, I can't decide which one is best.

4.I used to wash, but I got bored and stopped.

5.I wash only on special occasions, like Christmas and Easter.

6.None of my friends wash.

7.I'll start washing when I get older and dirtier.

8.I can't spare the time.

9.The bathroom is never warm enough in winter or cool enough in summer.

10.People who make soap are only after your money.

Signs of the Times

These are hilarious! Enjoy!

Signs of the Times

- On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania "Don't sleep with a drip, call your plumber."

- At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."

- Door of a plastic surgeons office: "Hello, can we help you pick your nose?"

- At A Laundry Shop "How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?"

- At a Towing Company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

- Billboard on the side of the road "Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs."

- In a Nonsmoking Area " If we see smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

- On Maternity Room Door "Push, Push, Push."

- At an Optometrists Office "If you don't see what your looking for you've come to the right place."

- On a Taxidermist's window "We really know our stuff."

- In a Podiatrist's office "Time wounds all heels."

- On a Butchers window "Let me meat your needs."

- On a fence "Salesman Welcome, Dog food is expensive."

- At a car Dealership "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

- Outside a Muffler Shop "No appointment Necessary, we hear you coming."

- Outside a Hotel "Help! We need inn-experienced people."

- On a desk in a reception room "We shoot every 3rd salesman , and the 2nd one just left."

- In a Veterinarians waiting room "Be back in 5 minutes, Sit ! Stay! "

- At the Electric Company "We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't you will be."

- On the door of a Computer Store "Out for a quick byte."

- In a Restaurant window "Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up."

- Inside a Bowling Alley "Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."

- In the front yard of a funeral home "Drive carefully, we'll wait."

- In a counselors office "Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional."

Busted!

This is a great reminder to always be on our "guard." Remember, others are watching!

Busted!
A woman pulled up to a red light behind another car. The driver of the car in front of her was talking on his cell phone, and shuffling through some papers on the seat beside him.
The light turned green, but the man didn't notice. The woman began pounding on her steering wheel and yelling at the man to move. The man still didn't move.
The woman went ballistic inside her car, ranting and raving at the man, pounding on her steering wheel and dashboard.
The light turned yellow. The woman blew the car's horn repeatedly, as she yelled and screamed curses at the man.
The man finally noticed the commotion. He looked up, saw the yellow light, and accelerated through the intersection just as the light turned red.
The woman was beside herself, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection. As she was still in mid-rant she heard a tap on her window and looked into the face of a very serious looking policeman.
The policeman told her to shut off her engine and step out of the car. The red-faced woman obeyed, speechless at what was happening.
The policeman then arrested the woman and took her to the police station where she was booked and placed in a cell.
After a couple of hours the woman was escorted back to the booking desk where the original officer was waiting with her personal effects.
The policeman handed her the bag containing her things, and said, "I'm really sorry for this mistake. But you see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn and screaming and cursing. Then I noticed the *Choose Life* license plate holder, the *Follow Me to Sunday School* bumper sticker, and the chrome plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally I assumed that you had stolen the car. Have a blessed day!"

Well...

Despite popular belief, I have not fallen off the edge of a cliff = D No, but I have been incredibly busy, like seriously busy!

As always, I have school, though the year is winding down! Jared started baseball a couple weeks ago, and he usually has practice or games a couple times a week. Add any other usual weekly activities, and it amounts to a lot.

This Saturday was beyond busy! Saturdays usually are. Any way, the boys went to help someone finish their basement, and us girls had some cleaning up to do in the house. Then we got a phone call from one of our good friends saying that they had found a kitten under their house that they could not keep because they already had a cat and dog. We ran over to pick him up, not thinking that it would take very long. When we got there, we found out that he was 2-4 weeks old and had been under the house for around a week without food. We than had to go to another friends house because she had found a kitten that was very young and had nursed him back to health, so she had all the necesary supplies. She showed us what to do, and then we went home to grab some stuff for the youth event we were in charge of and head up to Mooresville. This all being said, we had a pretty busy day!

Duke, which is what we're calling the kitten for now, has to be fed 3-4 hours, and he lets you know when he's hungry! He's cute, and black, and, well I'll let you see for yourself!